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EMOTIONAL IMPACT
GENERAL
CAREGIVING
GENERAL
INCONTINENCE
TALKING ABOUT
INCONTINENCE
TREATING
INCONTINENCE
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Angel on Earth
Elizabeth Mantis
By Cara J. Stevens |
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Click here to view a printable version of this article
In 1967, Elizabeth Mantis gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Stephanie. At 11 months, Stephanie was diagnosed with cerebral palsy, and Elizabeth’s world collapsed. "The day she was diagnosed, my husband left," says Elizabeth. She was forced to sell her house and move to a smaller one closer to the cerebral palsy center. But despite these setbacks, Elizabeth resolved to raise Stephanie with the best care possible. Thirty-five years later, Elizabeth and Stephanie are a wonderful team.
Despite Stephanie’s severe condition – she is unable to move her hands or legs and needs to be strapped to her wheelchair for support – they have traveled the world and have each pursued their own artistic interests. In fact together they have been to Europe 20 times, as well as around the country to nurture Stephanie’s love of the ballet.
"I wanted her to be well rounded, and I wanted her to see other handicapped children in other places around the world," says Elizabeth. "Watching the ballet, Stephanie would come to life. After the show, the performers would often invite us backstage to meet them, and it was such a wonderful experience for her."
While many would look at Elizabeth’s life and marvel at her strength and devotion, she hesitates to call herself strong. "I care for Stephanie on a daily basis because I have a deep sense of responsibility and loyalty within me, not just for Stephanie but for everyone I love," she says.
Facing Incontinence
Over the years, Elizabeth has faced many challenges with Stephanie’s condition, although she was fortunate that at a young age Stephanie had control of her bladder. "When she was 3 years old, I was able to hold Stephanie over the toilet and she was able to go, though at times she needed to be held over a toilet for hours on end, and parents do run out of strength," Elizabeth says.
She occasionally resorted to diapers, as holding her over the toilet began to take a toll on Elizabeth's back. As Stephanie grew, she tried using a bedpan on her own, but her muscle movements became too jerky to control. They gave up on the bedpan soon afterward, and Stephanie started using Depend® absorbent products.
"It has made it so much easier on both of us," says Elizabeth. "Dealing with a few bodily fluids really isn’t a big deal, and it has just become part of our everyday life."
A New Life Path
After Stephanie was diagnosed, Elizabeth became tired and frustrated when none of the many specialists they consulted seemed to agree on proper diagnosis or treatment.
Fortunately, Elizabeth found someone she could turn to for help: Her daughter’s pediatrician had been there for them from the beginning, not just for medical advice but for emotional support as well.
Elizabeth shared her frustration with the doctor, and he gave her a piece of advice that changed her life: "If you really want to take care of Stephanie, knowledge is power," he said. "You should become a nurse."
Elizabeth thought very seriously about it. "All I wanted to be all my life was a journalist," says Elizabeth. "I went to school to become a journalist, and I have a master's degree in English." With a passion for words and poetry, nursing was never even a consideration. "You know how some people were born to be nurses – the Florence Nightingale type who are so nurturing and feel passionately for caring for others – well, I’m not one of them," she says.
After mulling it over, however, Elizabeth saw how becoming a nurse would enable to her to give her daughter the best possible care and so she pursued a degree in nursing.
Now a private duty nurse, Elizabeth cares not just for Stephanie, but for many others as well. She works with patients in their homes during the day while Stephanie attends daycare for adults with cerebral palsy. In the evenings and on days Elizabeth is not working, she cares for Stephanie. Elizabeth also continues to pursue her dream of writing, taking evening classes and submitting her work. Her screenplay, Chloe, has already won four awards this year.
Seasoned Advice
After 35 years of caring for her daughter and many years of caring for others’ loved ones as well, Elizabeth speaks from a world of experience. She advises caregivers to turn the tables and consider what their loved ones are offering them. "Caring for them might just feed your soul and inspire you to do things you’ve never dreamed of," she says.
She also believes having support is important, and she feels that she couldn’t have accomplished anything she’s done – for herself or for Stephanie – without it. "For me, it’s Stephanie’s pediatrician who still, after all these years, is the person I turn to," she says.
Finally, she says to hang in there through the ups and downs. "My advice to other caregivers of people with incontinence is to stay with it – don’t ever walk away," she says. "People are like flowers and will blossom under your care."
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