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If your spouse or loved one is depressed about their incontinence, what is the best way to help them? By Paul Coleman Psychologist, Family Therapist
Question: If your spouse or loved one is depressed about their incontinence, what is the best way to help them? Answer: Don't automatically try to talk them out of their feelings. That may seem counter-intuitive but if someone feels depressed and we tell them not to be, they often feel we just don't understand. Better to first verbalize what makes sense to you about how they feel. Something like, "I can understand why you feel that way ... I imagine if I had this condition I might feel that way, too..." Just let those words linger; don't quickly follow them up with "But you should try to feel better, do more things, etc." A comment that is phrased as, "I understand, BUT..." is really a comment that you do not understand. After you have validated their feelings, you can get on the topic of what to do about it. "Even though your feelings make sense, I'm worried that you might stay depressed and limit your activities."


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