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DISCUSSION
BOARDS
COMMUNITY TIPS
JOURNAL
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Lisa's
Journal
Meet Lisa, a nurse caring for her 83-year-old mother,
as she shares her day-to-day experiences as a caregiver.
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Introduction
Writing a journal is an interesting process. Like the
reality it mirrors, things are ever-changing. One day
good, perhaps the next not so good, the thing we can depend
on is time moves on.
I am 51 years old. Married for 28 years, I am a wife,
mother of three, daughter, sister and a nurse. I have
cared for patients hospitalized with cancer, taught nursing
for 25 years and worked in the emergency room. The vast
majority of my nursing experience revolves around children.
Most of my teaching is in the area of pediatrics.
Over the last 15 years, however, with increasingly more
responsibility overseeing the care of my mother who is
83, I have learned a great deal about the needs and care
of our aging population. As my mother ages, issues such
as poor hearing and failing sight reconstruct the relationship
she has with the outside world. The issue of incontinence,
however, is one that dictates what she thinks about herself
and even what she believes she can and cannot do. Since
my mother had a stroke about a decade ago, the challenge
to keep her as strong and independent as possible has
been one to which my family is committed. It is never
easy. But it is definitely worth the time and care that
must be put into it.
My passion for health has communication as its cornerstone.
Although I find it much easier to verbalize my feelings
and beliefs than to write them, the chance to begin this
journal is exciting to me. I hope that this will be as
rewarding for those who share in this process as it is
for me to engage you in it.
My journal will oftentimes deal with patience –
the need for it, my lack of it. Don’t get me wrong.
I have plenty of patience. I use it all the time. It,
however, is not a bottomless pit. Interestingly, when
I need it most with my mom is the time when I seem to
lose it. Then, for all the good I feel I have done I am
left with the sense of shame and guilt for not being able
to have it (the patience) longer or utilize it better.
It is at that moment when she will identify my lack of
it!
That brings me back to the communication piece. The times
as a caregiver when I use the power of listening and sensitive
feedback are the times I find a greater satisfaction with
the role as helper and daughter.
When you think about it, just combining the roles “helper
and daughter” places one in a potential bind. No
mother likes to think of being dependant on one’s
child. The situation is potentially stressful from the
start. At the end of the day, a caregiver must feel good
about the work that has been provided. Otherwise the frustration
that takes hold will erode the relationship and leave
both parties burnt out. I make it a daily goal to have
my interactions protect Mom’s sense of dignity while
trying to support her function in the real world where
she needs assistance and guidance.
It is around the issue of incontinence where we have the
most trouble. Some days my goal is achieved; some days
it’s not. Always, my interaction is based on my
love and concern for her well-being..
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Read Lisa's Next Journal Entry. |
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